Time flies when you are having fun...

11 months ago I welcomed a true miracle into our family. I have been told so many times "Gosh, I dont see how you have done it." Sometimes I am not sure either but it has been the only choice I had. I will never forget all the people that traveled with us to welcome her. I will never forget how everyone went home thinking she was okay and receiving that faithful phone call "Your babies heart is more complex than we originally thought. She also have transposition of the great arteries and will be going into surgery at 3 oclock whether you or here or not." I will never forget that everyone turned around and drove all they way just to be with us and Brin while she endured the first surgery of her little journey. I will never forget the Priest that came in blessed her and christened her before they took her away. I will never forget the moments we cried and prayed for her. I will never forget the very first moment I seen her little heart beating out of her chest. I will never forget the nurse at Harris Methodist that came into my room before I was discharged and cried telling she was praying for me and my baby. I will never forget the words " I wish all those times I could have showed how things would be once we got to this point." I will never forget getting to that point and dropping to my knees and thanking every faithfully guided hand that has helped restructure her tiny heart. I will never forget the little girl in the play room that brought Eric and I a prayer pillow that she made for other heart patients that she would meet after having her own surgery. I will never forget the feeling of Doctors and nursing rushing to my baby's bedside with the crash cart. I will never forget how it feels when a dr says "we do not think she was without oxygen long enough to cause any organ or brain damage." I will never forget the times Jessica and I facetimed together and how that made me feel so much closer to home. I will never forget walking with my husband back and forth to the hospital in silence because there were no words to describe how we were feeling. I will never forget how this has brought my marriage to whole new level. I will never forget the moment my older sister told me that my mother was crying uncontrollably. I will never forget seeing Eric gasp for breath while getting our diagnosis and trying to contain his tears. I will never forget................these memories have turned me into a person that does not take each day for granted. One month today will be a small step for Brinley but will be a giant leap for my healing heart. I cant wait to see her grow up.

The Lord giveth...

Today Brin had her cardio check up. She is 7 months post BDG. Wow how time flies?!  She is so amazing. It feels like I just brought her home and now she will soon have her first birthday. Last night I watched the season finale for 19 kids and counting. Michelle Duggar went for her sono and they were so excited to see the baby and the camera man was going to find out the sex. Sigh.....the baby had no heart beat and three days later after having labor induced she gave birth to a tiny baby girl. I cried uncontrollably. My heart stopped for them just as mine did the day of my own sono for Brin and hearing the words "something is wrong with her heart". I am beyond blessed with this baby girl. When I was still pregnant so many horrible things and sad not knowings went through my mind. I regret every bit of it. I would not trade her for the world. I am lucky to have such a precious baby that changed my life. I mourned my healthy baby but she is with me. My heart hurt for the Duggars loss but it reminded me to be so thankful. As of right now Binny is biting and slobbering on my nose. What a perfect moment. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, next week, a year from now or twenty but I will not take any of it for granted. 

Somewhere...someplace... today...

Somewhere...someplace... today...
A family is waiting to hear...
Is something wrong with their baby?
The answers aren't quite clear...
This family has entered an unwanted world...
... And they just don't know what to expect...
Somewhere...someplace... today
They first heard the words: heart defect.
And how they hoped this was not true...
And thought... this cannot be...
I too... know just how this feels...
For one day...this was me.

Somewhere...someplace...today...
A man and a woman embrace...
Their baby is in surgery...
They long to see her face...
They haven't got to hold her yet...
Without...a cord or line...
They pace the room awaiting news...
And hope she'll be just fine.
Prayers fill this busy waiting room...
And mom and dad are scared...
Somewhere...someplace..today...
The tiniest hearts are repaired.

Somewhere...someplace...today...
A child's growing fast...
Smiling,laughing,thriving...
His mom thinks...can this last?
It's almost easy...to forget...
That anything is wrong...
Somewhere...someplace..today...
Her child seems so strong.

Somewhere...someplace... today...
A little boy fights...just to live
A father holds his tiny hand...
His love...all he can give...
The doctor's are all baffled...
They fear that he might die...
Somewhere...someplace...today...
A family says goodbye...

Somewhere...someplace...each year..
More than 40,000 families will see...
What it means...when something's wrong...
They'll face a CHD.
Today...for just a moment...
Stop...remember...reflect...
Make time to tell someone you know...
"I've been changed by a heart defect".

Author - Stephanie Husted

Dear Brin,

Six months. Wow you are already six months old. Where does the time go? I found out you are going to have a new best friend. I am so happy for Brandy. I remember feeling the exact same way when I found out I was pregnant with you. I am so sorry I let that change. I was so scared for you and I still am every day but as the days keep coming and going I know that you are going to be okay. I wish I would have enjoyed those pregnancy days with you. I couldnt get past my fear of what it is you were going to face once you were here. You proved me wrong on so many levels. YOU ARE A FIGHTER! You have taught me so much about myself. I wish I would have had a baby shower for you. Again I let my fear take me to places that were not good. Thank you for being you. The perfect little girl I dreamed and mourned all at the same time. You are everything that we needed. I cant wait to see you grow with your sisters. To see the things all of you will accomplish. I dont know what each day brings but I do promise to make the most out of each and every one.

Love, Mom

Things keep moving forward.........

I officially returned to work on October 17, 2011. Man, it is tough. Just with 3 kids and that is not including Brin's heart defect. I am stretched for time and sleep. Praying that we can all be on a schedule some time soon. Thanksgiving has come and gone. I definitely have so much to be thankful for. Brin had a short hospital stay a couple days before the holiday. She was congested and her sats were low. She got some oxygen and some fluids and was back to her sweet little self in no time. Christmas is quickly approaching. I cant believe this year is coming to an end. A lot has happened. It seems so surreal. I couldnt ask for a better life. Things are just moving right along. We have a cardio appt next month. I am praying they take Brin off of her sildenafil. I think it is the reason she does not sleep well. The Dr. said a rare side effect is insomnia. I am not sure it is full blown insomnia but I think that is does not allow her to get adequate amounts of rest. We are just doing the best we can.  Emory just turned 4 last month. I remember thinking when I was pregnant with Brin how little Emme was and she was still a "baby". Now she is "officially" a big girl. I knew this blog would be updated less and less it is true, life does go on and the bad stuff fades away. Life is good.

Glory to God....,

I prayed and he listened and answered. Dr. McDreamy said he had never been able to see Brin's pulmonary arteries as well as he did today in her echo. Her glenn looked perfect. He said the circulation was doing exactly what it was supposed to be doing. He said her color was wonderful and he is just so impressed with her. He still had no explanation to why things got so bad in the hospital but you would never know by looking at her now.   We are just so thankful for everyone who has stuck by us, prayed for us and gave us encouraging words. Our next appt is not until January. Wow, that is just crazy to me. I am one proud momma. 

These are the days

Life had just picked up where it left and it is wonderful. Chloe is wonderful, Emory is wonderful, and Brinley is wonderful. I hate that ever doubted myself. Brinley is headed to the dr. next week for post op check ups. I am prepared for anything but I deep down it is going to be a good one. I can't wait to see Janet and hug her neck. I miss not speaking with her everyday. Before this I wondered how I would get through each day without her encouraging me but it is all so normal. No more pulse ox, weigh ins. Just us enjoying our baby. I feel like I have got to bring my baby home from the hospital for the first time twice. She is my little piece of heaven. My miracle.