Dear Brin,

Six months. Wow you are already six months old. Where does the time go? I found out you are going to have a new best friend. I am so happy for Brandy. I remember feeling the exact same way when I found out I was pregnant with you. I am so sorry I let that change. I was so scared for you and I still am every day but as the days keep coming and going I know that you are going to be okay. I wish I would have enjoyed those pregnancy days with you. I couldnt get past my fear of what it is you were going to face once you were here. You proved me wrong on so many levels. YOU ARE A FIGHTER! You have taught me so much about myself. I wish I would have had a baby shower for you. Again I let my fear take me to places that were not good. Thank you for being you. The perfect little girl I dreamed and mourned all at the same time. You are everything that we needed. I cant wait to see you grow with your sisters. To see the things all of you will accomplish. I dont know what each day brings but I do promise to make the most out of each and every one.

Love, Mom

Things keep moving forward.........

I officially returned to work on October 17, 2011. Man, it is tough. Just with 3 kids and that is not including Brin's heart defect. I am stretched for time and sleep. Praying that we can all be on a schedule some time soon. Thanksgiving has come and gone. I definitely have so much to be thankful for. Brin had a short hospital stay a couple days before the holiday. She was congested and her sats were low. She got some oxygen and some fluids and was back to her sweet little self in no time. Christmas is quickly approaching. I cant believe this year is coming to an end. A lot has happened. It seems so surreal. I couldnt ask for a better life. Things are just moving right along. We have a cardio appt next month. I am praying they take Brin off of her sildenafil. I think it is the reason she does not sleep well. The Dr. said a rare side effect is insomnia. I am not sure it is full blown insomnia but I think that is does not allow her to get adequate amounts of rest. We are just doing the best we can.  Emory just turned 4 last month. I remember thinking when I was pregnant with Brin how little Emme was and she was still a "baby". Now she is "officially" a big girl. I knew this blog would be updated less and less it is true, life does go on and the bad stuff fades away. Life is good.

Glory to God....,

I prayed and he listened and answered. Dr. McDreamy said he had never been able to see Brin's pulmonary arteries as well as he did today in her echo. Her glenn looked perfect. He said the circulation was doing exactly what it was supposed to be doing. He said her color was wonderful and he is just so impressed with her. He still had no explanation to why things got so bad in the hospital but you would never know by looking at her now.   We are just so thankful for everyone who has stuck by us, prayed for us and gave us encouraging words. Our next appt is not until January. Wow, that is just crazy to me. I am one proud momma. 

These are the days

Life had just picked up where it left and it is wonderful. Chloe is wonderful, Emory is wonderful, and Brinley is wonderful. I hate that ever doubted myself. Brinley is headed to the dr. next week for post op check ups. I am prepared for anything but I deep down it is going to be a good one. I can't wait to see Janet and hug her neck. I miss not speaking with her everyday. Before this I wondered how I would get through each day without her encouraging me but it is all so normal. No more pulse ox, weigh ins. Just us enjoying our baby. I feel like I have got to bring my baby home from the hospital for the first time twice. She is my little piece of heaven. My miracle. 

Finally, I can breathe again

I missed being home with all this chaos. Even though my house is a mess and my girls are already fighting, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Brin is just so happy to be home. She is all smiles. Emme keeps looking at her and then says "hey, she is smiling at me". :) Chloe had choir tryouts today. I have no doubt that she made it.  I love to here choirs sing and can't wait to go and watch them perform. Today was a great day. Brandy and Ruben also came by for a visit and went and visited the sis. Now we rest..… buenos noches. 

What was my....

Life like before all of this??? The news of having a third baby was thrilling. Eric and I tossed around the idea having one more and it was that if it happens it happens scenarios. God's hand was at work then. He knew Brin was special and this was going to be a test for me. It has not been easy. It has a challenge for me emotionally more than anything. I know I have shared so much with everyone. Thank you all for listening. The road has been paved for us and now we will try any where it takes us. Brin has brought so much to me and my family. Personally she is a testament for me to never doubt myself and to never give up. She never gives up on us and to see her fight for life is absolutely the most amazing thing I have experienced.  I hope my story effects someone in an extraordinary way. Even if it is only to make you thing about things in a way that let's cherish all the moments you would normally just enjoy but to take a minute and say "I never want to forget this". Writing all of this down helps me. All the joy and sadness I have had over the 6 months of my life is mind boggling. I pray no one ever experiences the dark places I have been but the joy out ways everything.  God has made his self known to me in the most obvious ways. I laugh saying he should have just reached out and slapped me upside my head. I can't say I will never be at a place in my life that I will not doubt what he is doing but I will take a moment to remind myself that he has a plan. All the times I begged for miracles he granted each and everyone of them, just in is own way. The people that I have crossed paths with are the most amazing people I have met and all have help me to cope and find strength in my trying times. He knows I struggle everyday but each day is a blessing. 

Look out

Wichita Falls!!! These girls will soon be home. I can definitely say it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. We finally made it to the third floor which is one step away from loading up the car a head home. Emme went to the house with Eric for a little bit tonight so we could FaceTime and we the were leaving Emme said "goodbye house, I miss u house, I love u house". Aw, it made my heart hurt. Jess said the other nite she hugged Chlo and she said " u sound like my mom" and started crying. We are ready to be home and back together. Dr. McDreamy, I mean Dr. Muyskens, came by too Brin earlier and said he has been on pins and needles bc of her. I always say the bad things always feel like a bad dream and now seeing her this way is another example. Babies resiliency is so amazing. We have taken a road less traveled but the scenery is amazing.